I must have been about 10 years old but I remember it well. A player on our Pop Warner Football team arrived late to practice. One of the coaches spoke to him and asked him why he was late. He explained it was because of his mom. The coach responded with, “You should have made sure your mom was on time.” The principle was clear: don’t make excuses, but rather step up and lead.

God has gifted men with the privilege and responsibility of headship in their homes. Paul states (Eph. 5:23), “the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church.” This reality of headship shapes the structure and life of our homes.

Tone

What is the tone of your household and who sets that tone? Often, I let things happen and then react instead of choosing to set the tone and lead. Often, I can default into “this is hard,” “I am tired,” or “I just want to sit on the couch and not be bothered.” That tone is not helpful for my home nor my wife. My home needs a better tone—a godly tone, a gospel tone, a Spirit-filled tone.

Choosing to set the tone begins with getting outside of ourselves. The tone we may want as individual men is not necessarily the one the home needs from its designated head.

What tone are you setting head of the house? What tone does your home need? Personally, I want to set a tone of faith, joy, and rest in the Gospel of Jesus, coupled with a tone of purpose, responsibility, and organization, marinated further in a tone of diligence, kindness, love, and generosity. Simply, I desire the tone to be centered on abiding in Jesus with joyful duty.

Worship

Are the things of God a common occurrence in your home? Better yet, are they central? The worship of God is central to our lives, not just to our Sunday mornings, and the head of the house is significant. The worship of God cannot be abdicated by the man of God personally nor in his home. The church does not take his place, but rather equips him to better serve in that place. “But my schedule is too busy.” Then you need to readjust your schedule around the worship of God. God must not take a back seat (Exodus 20:3). “But I don’t know what to do.” Contact your pastor, elder, or another man of God who does and learn from him.

Your home is a base and training ground for the worship of God in Christ. Your spouse and children need and long to hallow God’s name. And the head of the house is central to worship. This is not new, for God taught the Israelites (Deut. 6:5–9),

“⁵You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. ⁶And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. ⁷You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. ⁸You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. ⁹You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

Paul speaks to the head of the house today when he says (Eph. 6:4), “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” The head of the house is a worship leader!

Prayer, Scripture reading, Scripture memorization, confession of sin, confession of truth, hymn/song singing, and giving are specific forms of worship your family can do and grow in together.

Prayer

Who do you pray for most? Most of us would say ourselves. As the head of the house, we must pray over our spouse and children...continually. They are under our care, love, and protection.

So pray for their:

• salvation
• sanctification
• love for God
• love for others
• hatred of sin
• hearts to be generous
• future spouses
• vocational work
• love for Scripture
• doctrinal understanding
• apologetic skill

And pray for yourself to be who God wants you to be and who they need you to be.

Conclusion

Privileged now to reflect Christ to our families, it’s our responsibility to lay down our lives for them. Let’s pursue a Christ-centered tone, worship, and prayer life to the glory of God. Let’s lead one of the greatest gifts God has and will ever give us. In “Furious 7,” Vin Diesel’s character said, “Everyone's looking for the thrill, but what's real is family. Your family. Hold onto that, Brian.” Our greatest adventures and responsibilities are at home. And God gives us the necessary grace to lead and love our families.

Additional thoughts:

An article like this raises many questions. Here are a few with foundational answers.

• What if there is no head of the house right now? Without a head, the mother will take responsibility to lead her home.
• What if the head of the house isn’t a believer? Peter says (1 Peter 3:1–2), “¹Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, ²when they see your respectful and pure conduct.”
• What if the head of the house won’t walk in his role? Pray for him and encourage him as wisely and tactfully as you can while still respecting his headship.
• How does a wife function under a husband’s headship? Practical submission deserves its own article, but here are a few beginning thoughts. A wife is to submissively (Eph. 5:22) come alongside her husband (as from his side she was originally taken) and serve him as well as with him. She is to use her gifts to build up the family, to point the family to Christ as well, all under the ultimate leadership responsibility of the husband.